I don’t know about you, but I spend a lot of time planning out my daily activities. What we need for a walk, planning the steps for a meal, grocery lists, cleaning schedules and so on. It’s exhausting trying to manage the perfectionism in motherhood!
I set unreasonably high expectations and then fall short of meeting them. More so because when the tiny humans are involved I can’t keep messes from happening. It makes me feel less than perfect. It makes me feel unworthy. It’s a constant mental battle.
Releasing the guilt seems impossible. Fortunately, everything is possible with God.
God Doesn’t Ask for Perfectionism in Motherhood
You see, the thing is, my boys don’t need a perfect life or a perfect mom. They just need me. They need me, in my imperfection to love them and nurture them.
Why? Because God doesn’t call us to be perfect. There is no where in the Bible where God says there has to be perfectionism in motherhood. Our Heavenly Father calls us to be the person he created, not the person we think we should amount to.
The label of “perfect mom,” somehow slips onto our hospital tag when we give birth and we carry it with us throughout motherhood. We want to make our children’s lives as close to perfect as possible. Make things fun and exciting, and help them learn and enjoy life.
We can’t expect ourselves to do everything though. We can’t be our child’s cruise director, nurse, chauffeur, chef, coach, sleep consultant and personal cleaner. We may take on those jobs but it’s not our primary title.
God Called Us to Be Moms
Raising children is hard. Being a mom is hard. Especially when we put so much pressure on ourselves. But what we need to remember is that children are a gift.
Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward.
Psalm 127:3
Whether they are adopted or birthed by you, raising children is a reward from God. It may not always seem that way, but it’s true.
God called us to be moms. He gave us the gift of children knowing we aren’t perfect, knowing we will worry unnecessarily, knowing we will struggle.
And like any gift, we should receive it and give thanks. What’s more, we can have confidence that God gave us the gift because he knows we can handle it. We can handle it because he will be right there with us everyday.
So what do we do when we are plagued with the fears of being imperfect?
Love God First
The only way we can be good moms is to love God first. Before our children, before our spouse, before ourselves, we have to love God. It is God’s love that makes us the “perfect for our children” mom.
You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.
Deuteronomy 6:5
We don’t need to worry about ensuring our children’s lives are perfect because God’s love is perfect. It is this perfect love that we need to fill our homes with.
This is what washes away our imperfections as a mom. The unnecessary anxiety, the failure to be patient, the guilt. If we have taught our children love, God’s love and our own, nothing else matters.
God’s love is perfect so you don’t have to be.
When Doubt Creeps In
Of course, we will feel doubt. We will feel like we’ve made mistakes and then we will make actual mistakes! So it’s important to start every day with love. Ask for it from God and then pour it into your children like you pour their cereal.
Speak truth and hope into them in their morning routine. Remind them about practicing the fruits of the spirit or putting on the armour of God. But most of all tell them you love them, no matter what.
You shall teach love diligently to your children, and shall talk of it when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.
Deuteronomy 6:7
Love covers a multitude of sins. God’s love is what washed away our sin and it will continue to wash away our future sins. And love is what will wash away the doubt.
Living Up to God’s Expectation
We still strive to be the best mom possible, to be patient and gentle, speaking kindness into our children’s hearts. But we also know that when we fall short, and we will fall short, it’s okay. We don’t have to be perfect. That isn’t what God expects and therefore we shouldn’t expect it from ourselves.
God’s expectation is that you are a mom who tries to fill her home with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). He wants mothers who look to him in times of difficulty. Mothers who set up their home where love comes first.
A perfectly tidy house or perfectly made meal doesn’t matter to God. Perfection in the eyes of God is someone who falters, takes God’s hand and gets back up. It’s someone who has filled their heart with His love and pours it into their home.
Don’t doubt your ability. Don’t feel pressured to create a perfect life for you and your family. It isn’t what God created you for and it isn’t his expectation.
Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
Isaiah 43:1
I have called you by name, you are mine.
Instead embrace the love God gave you. Speak it to your children and let it wash away the days of tribulation. God gave you the gift of motherhood, he also will give you the strength to fulfill that gift. Don’t doubt yourself. Don’t set the bar so high you can’t reach it. You are perfect in God’s eyes.
So, don’t be the perfect mom, just be their mom.
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