When we find ourselves experiencing a loss, we find fear in grief. The unknown hits us and it can seem impossible to take a step out of the darkness. Yet we do not need to fear during times of pain because we have a God of comfort who will always care for us!
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I read this quote by C.S. Lewis and decided I wasn’t going to use it during my month of C.S. Lewis inspirations. I didn’t have the words for it. Grief is one of those things that affects everyone differently and I didn’t know what to say about it.
And then my horse died. Suddenly I understood what Lewis was saying.
I’ve experienced grief in the past. In fact we all experience grief at regular intervals.
An opportunity that is lost, a cancelled plan, a friend that moves away, a child leaving home, all are forms of grief.
We likely don’t grieve these situations as heavily as the death of someone or something. But we still take time to accept them. In many ways, it is a practice run for the times when grief hits us harder.
Fear in Grief
I had forgotten what deep grief felt like. How it comes in waves that seem to drown you. You want to find something to take your mind off things but your body doesn’t want to follow through. You end up being listless.
If you continue reading Lewis he goes on to explain that he isn’t afraid but that the feelings of grief and fear are the same.
No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning.
C.S. Lewis
But I think there is fear in grief. It slips in unnoticed and disguises itself as grief. However, fear has no place in our grieving process.
Fear came with the brokenness of the world. It masks itself as many things and it hinders our ability to grieve.
When we grieve, we are helping our minds and bodies accept a loss. Part of this acceptance is understanding the fear that comes along for the ride and removing it from the situation.
Grieving the Future
Most of this fear in grief comes when you are looking to the future. Knowing that when you wake the next morning, you will have to get up and move on. What you thought you would have or thought you would do, is no longer going to happen.
And that can be scary.
How do you move forward with so much uncertainty? Especially when there is the ache of loss.
It’s incredibly complex, so many emotions swirling around. So yes, fear will slip in unnoticed.
Do Not Be Afraid
But, we can take comfort in times of grief because we know God is the great comforter. He also has told us not to fear because He has plans for us. Even if we look ahead and feel afraid of moving forward without someone or something, we know God has a path prepared for us.
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.
Jeremiah 29:10
Grief should be a time of sadness. It’s meant to help us heal and remind us that we are human and it’s okay to love. It should not be a time of fear.
We may wake up with the pain knowing we lost something but we can trust that God has a plan.
So it’s important to feel the grief. To give yourself time to lean into the pain as a way to separate the fear from the sadness. It’s okay to be sad, it’s okay to mourn. These are normal parts of the process. But you do not need to fear during times of grief because God is with you.
There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear.
1 John 4:18
God of Comfort
Let God carry the worry about the future so you can focus on accepting your loss. Whether it’s a big loss, a close family member or friend or a smaller loss, like a lost opportunity. Being sad and upset is how we come to accept it.
It may seem like there if fear in grief, because the unknown seems terrifying. You have a God of comfort who will hold you through the storm and love you regardless of the situation. Spend time with Him and let His presence heal you.
So take the fear out of the grief. Do not worry about tomorrow. Take comfort in God’s presence and the road he has prepared for you. It isn’t always easy but you do not walk it alone.
Spend time grieving and accepting the sadness, and let God take care of the rest.
Let Him take the fear out of grief.
A Note If You Are Grieving
If you are experiencing grief, take time to talk to people or write out your feelings.
I lost an animal that was close to me. The grief was intense but only lasted a few days. Writing is a therapeutic way of handling things so I wrote a blog post in his honour (So Long, My Friend mAJor). I read it over and over and over until I could read it without crying.
Most importantly, I leaned into God. I knew the pain would pass and I just needed to ride it out.
If you are dealing with a deeper loss, don’t be afraid to seek help. Talk to someone, a friend or a professional. Grief is no easy thing and some of it can be processed alone but some of it can’t.
Remember God is always with you and He never intends to put fear into your life. So do not be afraid. But handle grief appropriately. If you feel like you can’t do it alone, find support! You are never alone, do not forget that.
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