We’ve all been there. We’ve felt the exhaustion creep up on us and suddenly the mom burnout turns into a complete meltdown. We go from mostly managing to completely falling apart. It’s frustrating, it’s stressful and it happens to the best of us. The question is, how do we manage it?
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I snarked back at my husband one evening after he attempted to do the nightly vacuuming. I raced down the stairs and rudely told him to stop and let me do it. He was totally bewildered and slightly hurt at my tone.
I could see all this happening but the “meltdown mode” had activated and I couldn’t control how I felt or my reactions.
After I vacuumed and got the boys to bed, I thought about why I had acted in such a way.
I knew it was because of the overload I was feeling and believe it or not, vacuuming at the end of the day was therapeutic and a way for me to unwind. It forced my boys to sit on the couch and not bother me because of the noise (lol). And it was one job that I could complete from start to finish, a quick sweep of our main level to get all the dog hair and crumbs.
So it wasn’t that my husband was doing something wrong, and more that I had an idea in my mind of what I needed at that moment, and someone was changing that. After a few stressful weeks I was short on patience and coping skills, and like a toddler, I was on the brink of a meltdown.
My husband (bless him) was trying to help me. He was just trying to get one job out of the way to give me a break. But what I needed was a break from the sensory overload that comes from caring for children. I love my kids but by the end of the day, I’m tapped out and had a routine set that helped me manage the nighttime routine without losing my mind.
I later apologized to him and he was very understanding (that he shouldn’t do the nightly vacuuming lol) but that I needed a break and that was one way I was getting it.
Mom Burnout
Motherhood burnout happens more than we realize. As hard as we try, there are going to be times when we feel tired and overwhelmed. We do the best we can to hold it together for our kids but then a seemingly small, insignificant event happens and we fall apart.
Toddler vs. Motherhood Meltdowns
When kids have a meltdown it usually is because they are tired, overstimulated and dealing with big emotions. They are little and learning how to navigate things that even adults struggle with.
They might scream and cry, they might throw things, they might lie on the floor and stomp their feet. All physical responses to their emotions. We do our best as parents to teach them coping skills and what to do when they feel frustrated or upset.
We encourage them to take a deep breath, count to ten, walk away from the situation or do an activity that will calm them down. We find ways that will help them feel better and get back on track. Sometimes all they need is for someone to acknowledge the issue, give them a hug and let them cry it out.
So why can’t we do that as moms?
The biggest reason is because there isn’t someone coaching us through the issue. Kids have adults there to help them navigate the situation. Moms have the dog or the cat or maybe their spouse who likely is experiencing the same feelings.
No one is there to say “I see you are going through something, let’s handle it together.” Instead, moms feel alone, isolated and they worry that if they fall apart, so will their entire house.
Mom meltdowns don’t happen just because you spilled some milk or forgot to pick up ketchup at the grocery store. They happen because there has been a long list of small frustrations or overwhelming situations that have been suppressed. They happen because the mental load that is carried gets too heavy. They happen because of sensory overload. They happen because moms have run out of coping skills and don’t know what to do.
How Do Moms Avoid Burnout?
Avoiding burnout means taking steps ahead of time before you get to meltdown mode. Burnout doesn’t happen because of one singular thing. It is a series of events that lead up to a final melting pot.
Moms need to have strategies to deal with all the little events that happen so they don’t turn into one giant meltdown. Just as you teach your kids skills to manage emotions, we need the same with our BIG mommy emotions.
Recharge with God
In my post When Do I Get a Break, I explained how moms need to recharge with God. If they spend time in His presence, it will restore them. They can do this by actively seeking God in every situation.
This is helpful when avoiding burnout. By intentionally focusing on God during our day, we are reminded of His comfort and support. He also can recharge us as we go about our day. And when we start to feel overwhelmed, we already are close to Him and don’t have to reach far for His support or guidance.
I find rest in your presence.
Exodus 33:14
Talk It Out
Having mom friends is helpful because it gives you people you can talk to. People who are in the same situation as you in that moment. They too might be trying to potty train, or are fighting with a picky eater. They are in the thick of things and when you can discuss these problems together, it gives a sense of camaraderie.
You also can talk to your spouse. But lay down “ground rules” first. Men often feel like they need to fix a problem if we bring it to them. So let them know you are talking with them just to get things off your chest, not because you need a solution or answer.
When we verbalize the things we feel it can help us process them. And if we have someone to talk to, they might be able to provide insight into the situation.
Write It Down or Record Yourself
If you aren’t much of a talker or you don’t have anyone to talk to, write it all down. Word vomit onto a page all your frustrations. Or if you are a talker but don’t have anyone to talk to, record yourself!
Then read or listen to what you have to say. Some things may seem insignificant but that action of getting them off your chest will help you. And you might be able to come up with a solution after reviewing your problem. Once its out there in the open, you might get an “aha” moment and be able to help yourself!
Get Outside and Get Active
I’ll be honest with y’all, when I start to feel overwhelmed in my home, I toss my kids outside. Unless it’s a downpour or -25°C, we go out into the elements. Sometimes it’s just to swing on the swings or to check the mail, but the change of scenery and fresh air does wonders for a mom and her kids!
Exercise is also good for the brain. It releases endorphins that can help you feel better. And if you go for a walk or do a short workout routine, it’s something you can complete and feel good about. Making an effort to get moving every day will make a huge difference!
Do Something You Enjoy
This is probably the biggest thing that will help but it’s the most difficult. When you engage in an activity that you enjoy (something other than cooking, cleaning or mothering), it can refresh your mind.
It’s even better if this activity can involve God in some way. Be it a weekly Bible study group, volunteering in some capacity at church, reading Christian books or doing something creative!
I started a blog and did (still do!) all my graphics. These are creative things I enjoy that are separate from my kids. It started as a hobby that has grown and been blessed by God!
Finding this outlet can be hard if you are strapped for time or money. You might have to dig a little deep. Maybe you have to find a community of Christian women online. There are some great Facebook groups where Christian moms connect. Think of what would refresh you and look for ways to make it happen!
Managing the Meltdowns
When you feel a meltdown coming on, there are ways to manage it so you don’t boil over. Meltdowns can happen because of sensory overload. The noise, the mess, the uncomfortable socks you have on, the back and forth between your stove and your fridge while making a meal…it all leaves you one question away from having a meltdown.
When you start to feel overwhelmed, its time to stop and take a deep breath. This is absolutely essential. Take a millisecond to breathe so you don’t explode.
Then do these 3 things:
- Ask God to step into the chaos and be the peace
- Look at your children through God’s eyes
- Think of 3 things you are thankful for
Once you’ve done these things, step into the situation with them in mind. You are not alone (because God is with you), your children are not heathens (they are learning) and you have many good things in your life (things may seem to be falling apart but this is only a momentary feeling).
These three things are often the areas where we feel the most frustration. The loneliness, managing children and feeling like the world is going to crash because we can’t hold it together. Change your perspective on those three things and you make your mom meltdown manageable.
You Can’t Pour From An Empty Cup
Don’t be afraid to prioritize the things that prevent burnout. Growing in your faith and finding Christian friends, or outlets that renew you, in the long run, will keep you from becoming burnt out! And on the days when you do feel overwhelmed, take a breath and remind yourself of the good things you have.
This job can feel lonely, it can feel like you are running on coffee and anxiety. It doesn’t have to be this way. You can enjoy your time as a mom and find peace in the chaos of the day.
John 10:10
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.
But you can’t pour from an empty cup. God doesn’t ask that you empty yourself continuously until you can’t function. And while we can gain strength from God, He also wants us to enjoy our earthly life. We shouldn’t feel like we have to be carried by God during our entire motherhood journey. Jesus came so we could walk in step with Him and have life, to enjoy to the fullest.
So take the necessary steps to prevent motherhood meltdowns by having strategies to help when you feel overwhelmed from the sensory overload. Mom burnout doesn’t have to be part of your journey. You can enjoy this time in your life and raise a strong Christian family!
For more encouragement, read this blog post: You Are Not Failing at Motherhood; Scriptures to Encourage You
Overcoming Mom Burnout – Digital Download
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