I love sleep. A good night’s sleep does wonders for a person. No one knows this better than a mom (or dad). But what do you do if your kid just won’t sleep? Here are some tips!

Those first few months after a baby are born can be incredibly hard. Especially if there are older children who need care during the day. Being up all night and then functioning during the day is no joke.

But facing the sleep giant is also no joke. Some babies just will not sleep. It can be incredibly frustrating. It’s like living in a bad dream!

There is hope though.

Facing the Sleep Giant

First off be sure you have looked at age-appropriate sleep guidelines. There are a ton of resources available and it’s good to do a little research so you understand your baby’s sleep needs.

It’s also important to remember that the first 6-8 weeks are survival mode for you and baby. You won’t have much of a routine until 2-3 months. This is normal. Trying to put baby on a schedule at 3 weeks is only going to frustrate everyone.

All that being said, these are some things that may change your perspective on sleep and how to approach it, things I learned the hard way with my kids:

You Are Teaching Your Baby to Sleep

I didn’t think about it with my firstborn but I sure did with my second. Sleep isn’t a natural thing for babies, at least not in the sense that we as adults think. For us, we lie down at night, close our eyes and sleep for 8 or 9 hours. That’s what our bodies want to do.

Babies spent the first 9 months snuggled warmly in Mama’s womb, sleeping whenever they pleased. There was no night or day, no specific length of time they needed to sleep. Suddenly they emerge from their little coucoon, and the adults want them to sleep, alone!

It’s a shock to their systems and requires some teaching. It’s teaching them to sleep without you, it’s teaching them to consolidate sleep, it’s teaching them appropriate times to sleep and it’s teaching them how to go back to sleep if they wake up (without you).

It’s not going to be taught overnight (haha). It will take months. Literal months. So pack your patience!

The Takeaway

• Sleep is a learned behaviour and takes time for babies to develop

Set Up the Space for Success

Everyone has a different space and layout for their baby to sleep. The space must be safe and comfortable for them. There are guidelines to follow for safe sleep, you should check them out because they get updated and it’s important to know what is and isn’t recommended.

Contact naps (baby sleeping on you) are normal for the first few weeks. Enjoy them while you can! But you still need a space set up for your baby so they can go down independently (ie. a crib).

But other basic things like a dark room, a noise machine and appropriate sleep temperature will play a huge role in how your little one sleeps.

I found this with my second. His nighttime sleep was awful until I took him out of our room and put him in his room. Turns out we were waking him. He was a light sleeper and any little movement woke him up, so we were up every 2 hours. As soon as that was taken out of the equation, nighttime sleep no longer was an issue.

Go figure.

So make sure your physical space is safe but also functional for you and baby’s needs.

This includes making everything readily available for your nighttime feeds and changes. Get a good nightlight, bright enough for you to see but not so bright that it fully wakes baby. Have everything within arms reach for feedings and diaper changes, and do not fully wake your baby if you can help it!

The Takeaway

• Always have a safe space for baby to sleep
• Invest in a good quality noise machine and a nightlight (even a lamp can be too bright, you want to keep baby drowsy during nighttime feeds)
• Keep an appropriate sleep temperature in baby’s room
• Prep your nighttime feeding/changing essentials and have them close at hand

Be Consistent with Your Schedule

As I said, my second was a terrible sleeper…at first. It took 4 months to figure out nighttime sleep and 9 or 10 months to figure out bedtime and naps. No joke. 10 months of rocking him to sleep only for him to wake up as soon as he hit the crib and yes, letting him cry it out.

My secret weapon was consistency and patience.

I started with the first nap of the day. Getting him to sleep in his crib for the morning nap was easiest. Even if it was only 10 minutes, that was a win. Slowly he got better until I got 30, 45, or 60 minutes sometimes.

Afternoon naps were hit and miss. It wasn’t until we dropped the third nap that I started getting consistent afternoon naps in the crib.

I always kept the routine the same. And I insisted on sleep. I always rocked him to sleep and there were times he thought he didn’t need a nap but I did not give in.

Then came bedtime. There were nights he would wake up 3 times in a 2 hours span after putting him down for the night. I would tell him (or myself) that I was only rocking him one more time and then he would have to sleep on his own. There were many nights of him waking, me leaving and then much crying.

I’ll admit I felt like a terrible mother. I would sit outside his room and cry as I listened to him cry, but I simply could not rock him anymore. I was physically and emotionally exhausted. It didn’t take him long to figure out it was time to sleep and he would settle.

Slowly the wake ups were less and less and the crying would shorten or not happen at all.

By the time he was 12 months old he was going down for 2 naps, both were 60-90 minutes in length and going down at night without issue. I still rocked him to sleep but he could go down awake and put himself to sleep if need be.

It felt like a miracle but I knew it was my own sweat and tears that went into it. I did not give in all those months.

Consistency was the key though. I knew what I expected and he knew what I expected. We may have had a difference of opinion but ultimately Mama won because she makes the rules (lol) and knew what was best for baby.

The Takeaway

• Choose your routine (song, book, rocking etc) and stick to it.
• Know what you are looking for with sleep. If you want baby to sleep independently, keep working towards that.
• Don’t give up. There will be months where it seems impossible but it is worth it!

Overtired Babies Don’t Sleep Well

Babies who are too tired don’t sleep well. It seems counter intuitive, but if you want your baby to sleep in, that doesn’t necessarily mean they should go to bed later. I learned this the hard way with my firstborn.

He would wake around 4 a.m. and would not go back down. It was awful. I couldn’t figure out why he was getting up so early. Turns out he was over-tired. He actually needed to go to bed earlier.

An hour earlier bedtime and the kid slept until 6 like clockwork. It was a lightbulb moment for me. So from then on, I paid close attention to my kids’ sleep needs.

For my second, this meant a lot of contact naps in the beginning. If I sensed he was tired and might fight his crib, I let him sleep on me. I wanted him to sleep at night so I would put up with daytime contact naps to ensure he wasn’t getting overtired and then struggling to sleep at night. It was tough but it worked.

Bedtime was the same. I was acutely aware of how long he had been awake since his last nap, as well as how early he had woken up in the morning and based bedtime on that, as much as possible.

It can be tricky to tell if a kid is overtired or under tired and that’s why they aren’t sleeping. Too much sleep also will keep them up, but if you are sticking to their age appropriate sleep guidelines you should be in the clear!

The Takeaway

• Watch for sleep cues and respond accordingly.

Don’t Get Discouraged

Sleep is affected by everything.

Baby is teething? Sleep is affected.

Baby is learning to roll over? Sleep is affected.

Baby learned a new word? Sleep is affected.

Baby is in a growth spurt? Sleep is affected.

Baby heard you need a good sleep? Sleep is affected.

Just about every milestone and life event for your little one can (and possibly will) affect their sleep. Remember it is not forever so don’t get discouraged. Sleep regressions can last up to 2 weeks, which can seem like an eternity but they will go back to normal. Don’t give up, stay consistent and it will get better!

The Takeaway

• Just because it isn’t working this week doesn’t mean they won’t be back on track next week!

Getting your baby to sleep can be incredibly frustrating. But remember your perspective on the matter can change the outcome! There are tons of resources out there to help too. Find what works for you and your family.

Most importantly, stay positive. Take baby steps in setting up your sleep routines. Good sleep habits set your kids up for success. So don’t give up! It’s short term pain for long term pain and it’s worth it!

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