Babies cry. It’s what they do. It’s their main form of communication. And when you think about how often we as adults complain during a day, it’s only natural that babies would do the same! Unfortunately a crying baby takes all your time and attention and is frankly, distressing. No one likes listening to screaming and not be able to do anything about it.

E was not a crier. He had a few spells here and there but not huge scream-fests. He was more just fussy. B has full blown, red in the face, scream at the top of your lungs, crying for hours at a time…episodes. It’s so hard. Mama and daddy are already tired and then we’re bouncing a baby who doesn’t seem to want to settle for anything. It feels like “Survivor,” Outwit, Outlast and Outplay the baby. Except there’s no million dollar reward at the end of the night. The good thing is, there are some tricks you can keep in your back pocket to help change the game so it’s more in your favour.

Firstly you meet the physical needs, diaper change, warm/cold, hungry, burbing etc. This is pretty obvious, check off the basics that can cause fussiness. Once those are met you may need to dig a little deeper to find root causes or ways to manage the crying. These are a few you can try:

1. Mom’s Diet

If you’re exclusively breastfeeding (like I am) one cause of gassiness, and ultimately crying, can be blowback from what mom ate. Things that make adults gassy can also make babies gassy. It might be time to reduce or cut out common culprits from mom’s diet to help baby. I avoid milk, broccoli, cauliflower, beans…things that may be causing extra gas in my baby’s still developing tummy.

It’s a trial and error game. You can keep a food log if you think there is a serious aversion to certain foods. I just take mental note of what I’ve eaten and if there seems to be extra fussiness later on. Maintaining a healthy diet is always the best course of action!

If you aren’t breastfeeding, changing formula might be the route to go. Always consult your doctor if you’re concerned!

2. Baby Wearing

This is a lifesaver during the day. Carrying a baby is hard work so take the pressure off your arms and go hands free! B sleeps in the carrier (as opposed to crying in the swing, instead of sleeping) and it’s so helpful for getting meals ready or other household chores.

I’ve also found the more he is held during the day, the better he is at night. Whether it’s extra comfort he needs or the bouncing to break up bubbles, it seems to help. I still put him down for some naps but try to ensure he is held for a portion of the day. Remember you can’t spoil a newborn, they need a lot of physical touch in those first few months.

3. Soothers

I’ve always been against soothers. Not because they are bad (although there can be issues with teeth and speech development) but because you trade one issue for another. Weaning a baby off a soother can be hard and it was a road I didn’t want to go down. I caved with B though. He kept wanting to nurse (for comfort) but his tummy was beyond full and that made things worse. So we finally gave him a soother.

It does help calm him if he’s in a particularly ornery mood. I’m stingy with it though, I save it for when we really need it as I don’t want it to become a crutch for him. It is nice when C is at work and I’m exhausted and need a break.

4. Noise

When all else fails, turn on the vacuum. I was downstairs standing beside the vacuum at 11pm the other night to settle B. I had bounced and rocked and nursed and used the soother for hours and he would sleep for 30 minutes max, then wake up screaming. So we turned on the vacuum and he immediately settled down.

I’ve done this with the shower as well (at 2am). Turned it on as hot as it would go so the bathroom was steamy then sat on the edge of the tub with B. The noise and heat (and humidity) soothed him. I try not to do this too often because water is expensive and I hate to waste it but when you’re desperate, you’re desperate.

We will get a good noise machine for B’s room once he is in there at night. I’m hoping this will take the place of vacuums and showers but in the meantime, they are my go to for noise. I don’t know what it is about those sounds, to me it’s obnoxious and annoying but it seems to help!

5. Teamwork Makes the Dream Work

If you have a spouse who can handle the crying…and even if they can’t, hand the baby off. Take a break. It’s exhausting when the baby screams in your ear despite your best efforts. And it’s not your fault, so let someone else hold them so you can have a break. It doesn’t make you a bad mom.

6. Enlist Outside Help

Ask your mom, mother in law, aunt, sister, friend, neighbour…whoever to come help during the day. They may not be able to bounce baby at night but can give you a rest during the daytime hours so you can gear up and…not sleep at night.

If you’re really struggling, get a sleep consultant. Someone who can walk you through steps to help baby sleep. There also are sleep resources available to help you navigate the first few months. There is a common assumption that some babies just don’t sleep, but there is more and more research to suggest this isn’t true. So don’t be afraid to look into sleep techniques to help baby (and you)!

7. Other Supplements

Some people swear by various drops and supplements that can be given to help babies. I can’t speak to any of them, and every kid is different but it’s worth a try. Again, consult your doctor and read labels carefully before giving your baby anything.

8. Mindset

This is hard and seems totally unfair but accepting the fact that your baby may scream bloody murder for the first few months might be the best way to get through it. Once you’ve established there’s no physical issue that needs to be addressed, it’s just a waiting game. Comfort baby as best you can and wait it out. Pass baby off so you get a break, nap during the day (if you can) and love them through it. Their little world was turned upside down and they are adjusting, while expressing how frustrated they are with the adjustment.

It Doesn’t Last Forever

It’s a tough couple of months, that newborn stage really is survival mode. Especially if you have other children at home who need cared for during the day (and you’ve been up all night with a baby). It doesn’t last forever though. And there are things you can do to help alleviate the frustration. Most importantly, don’t get discouraged. It isn’t you or your fault. Take a break when you need it and don’t be afraid to ask for help. The days (and nights) are long but the years are short, so enjoy the moments when you can. Love those baby snuggles and think about the arm muscles you’ll be able to show off! You will survive the tears, I promise!

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