Encourage your husband with the words you speak, everyday! Here is how…

We talk about praying for our husbands and this is an important part of honouring them. But more than the hidden prayers are the words we say out loud to or about them.

I don’t talk much about being a Christian wife, I focus mostly on motherhood. And yet when building a Christian home, being united as man and wife is an important part of the process. It is what helps set the foundation for children to grow up in security.

And it teaches our children how to interact with their future husbands and wives!

How to Encourage Your Husband with Your Words

Choose Your Words Carefully

Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.

James 1:19

The important part about this verse is that it isn’t saying don’t speak at all, it’s saying choose your words carefully. We should spend more time listening that speaking. Sometimes to encourage your husband you actually need to say less!

But more importantly, it’s saying remove the anger in your words.

When we speak to our husbands we should be speaking words of truth but leaving anger or frustration out of it. We need to approach conversations with patience and kindness.

Again, this isn’t to say that we hold back and bury feelings, but instead say words without cutting emotions behind them that will only stir up strife or argument.

It might mean laying down ground rules for conversations or choosing times when you can sit and discuss something without fear of interruption or rushing.

Build Him Up

To encourage your husband is to build him up. Not to give him a big head or inflate his ego but to let him know you see what he does and you appreciate it.

Thank him for doing basic things like putting the garbage out, replacing a burnt out bulb and going to work everyday!

We don’t always see the stressors our husbands carry; providing for the family, paying bills, house maintenance and so on. And while you are a team and should rely on one another, telling your husband how much you appreciate their efforts goes a long way!

Speak Positively About Him When He Isn’t Around

Encourage your husband when he isn’t around! Talk about his good qualities to your children, your family and your friends. Make those off hand comments about how hard he works, always looks after the vehicles or takes care of bills.

It’s sort of like talking behind his back but in a good way!

Not only does this remind you about your husband’s good qualities it also points them out to your children so they see what a good father he is too! And it gives people good first impressions or reiterates their good qualities and that will reflect in how they interact with them!

Speak As a Partner or Teammate

You are not his mom, you are not his teacher, you are not his student or his employee. You are a partner with equal stakes in the relationship. You both are putting in 100% (or should be).

You are both are in it to win it and when the times get tough, remember that your spouse is not the enemy. Approach him like you would someone you rely on; the best friend in the whole world and speak to him as such!

And remember that with this equal partnership comes conversation, compromise and commitment. A good marriage has all of these in it. It has the promise that you will figure things out for everyone’s benefit, even if it means giving up some of your ideals or expectations.

Pray Over Your Spouse

As I said, prayer is an important element as a Christian wife so of course I had to include it.

Whether it’s privately or publicly, encourage your husband with scriptures and prayer. Pray for him with your children at bedtime, in your private quiet time with God or at night as you are falling asleep.

What scriptures should you pray? I’ve got 10 of my favourites right here.

Things you shouldn’t say about your husband…

There was no way of putting a positive spin on this but it is an important element of speaking encouragement. We can’t always speak “truth” if it is only going to cause harm so here are some things you shouldn’t say to or about your husband.

Don’t Talk About His Shortcomings in Front of Others

We all have areas where we struggle or have bad days/weeks/months. We all have anxieties and insecurities. When you marry someone, you marry all of them. This includes any new issues or learning curves they encounter along the way.

It also means we don’t share these issues with others outside of our homes.

Sure we might complain a little if they shave and leave hair all over the counter, or we huff when they forget to grab milk on the way home. But when it comes to big issues, private issues or even things that touch on the personal, they shouldn’t be topics of conversation.

Speaking truth and encouragement over your spouse sometimes means not saying anything at all. While they may not be able to hear you, your words will impact how others interact with your husband. And this can affect them, especially if they don’t know them and this is the only impression they are getting!

I always like to use Colossians 4:6 as a good reminder for conversations:

Let your conversations be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.

This is a good reminder about how to talk with others (about anything really). Use grace first before seasoning with salt. If it doesn’t need to be said, or if the people in the group aren’t the ones who need to hear it…don’t say it!

Don’t Make Assumptions

Don’t assume your husband knows what you are coming to talk to him about. Don’t assume he has all the details, even if it’s something you’ve talked about before. If you’ve been married long enough you’ll know there is nothing more surprised than a man hearing his wife’s plans for the second time!

I jest but it is true, we all have moments where we forget. Or perhaps our spouse wasn’t in a frame of mind to hear us and didn’t register what we said.

As frustrating as this is, we can’t assume they know what is going on in our minds if we don’t tell them. And sometimes we have to tell them a few times!

Bring fresh life to a conversations and remember your husband is human, just as you are and apt to forget things. Be gentle and patient. If you need to have a conversation about something deep or important make that known and ensure it is a good time where you will have his undivided attention.

Don’t Bury Feelings or Emotions

While we shouldn’t speak out of anger towards our husband (or anyone), we also shouldn’t bury our feelings. This can create resentment. Sometimes the unspoken words hurt more than the spoken ones. Our behaviour can be harder on our spouse than anything we say.

While you want to encourage your husband, don’t forget that it doesn’t come at the cost of your wellbeing.

It is in times like these where you need to seek the Holy Spirit’s guidance in what to say. Find words that will be filled with grace and salt, so you can still cover him in truth but in such a way that solutions are found instead of hearts broken.

Let Your Words Help

To encourage your husband with words is to help, that is the intention. It can take time to learn what words will impact him the most, what will reach him and the best times to do it. But remember that your words should always be such that they seek to help.

They seek to inspire him, to appreciate him and to love him. Your words should offer advice, understanding and commitment. And you should expect these same things from your husband.

Use your gift of language to communicate with him your expectations or desires and tell him daily what he means to you. Encourage your husband and fill your home with the strength of a married couple that works through every situation with grace and scripture!

Want to grow closer to your spouse? Grab this 365 day devotional from Gary Chapman, “The One Year Love Language Devotional: 365-Day Devotional for Christian Couples,” available on Amazon.

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